Oh man I wish you'd been in the car w/ me today. I followed a school bus home filled w/ young boys and I flipped them off the entire way. They loved it.
I've rolled joints bigger than that penis.
I'm afraid my bank account can't handle syllabus week.
Their house warming gift for us was a half case of keystone and getting the cops called..
Hes screaming about Slender man. whatever hes on is probably not healthy.
I think I just used lyrics from the Sister Sister theme song to let a guy down easy...
I just burped jalapeños and cum. That was the most disgusting thing ever.
We were Chugging coronas for the soul purpose of launching limes out of the 3rd story window, I'd say it was a good weekend
jen just told me ur idea of revenge was saluting while letting his bong float away while attached to some balloons.
I just shaved my "bikini area" into a fucking pizza slice
turns out my ex girlfriend has become my most successful wingman. life is fuckin weird sometimes
I knew I'd like her from the moment she supported me messing around with my co-worker on my lunch break
I'm glad he doesn't have a bigger dick because he'd just use it for evil anyway
woke up with 4 bruises, 2 hickies and a bad case of rug burn. texans are dangerous.
scale of one to ten how loathsome is it to save my chocolate easter bunny to use for a topping on my edibles
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