you know what i hate about salt? you can't see it.
Friends don't let friends fuck ugly girls. WALK AWAY FROM HER!
the condom got lost in my hair
Your friends ate a hole through an entire loaf of bread
road dome is illegal, just asked in driving school.
my dad is going to jail this weekend
where are we going to get our weed from?
We're doing the donut challenge later. How many can we fit on his erect penis. Needless to say we get along well.
I think im gonna have to stop sexting on the metra. The middle aged businessman behind me just leaned over and whispered 'dirty girl' and highfived his seatmate.
After you verbally abused the McDonalds employee for not making your fries fast enough, the fact that you woke up on a random lawn does not surprise me.
He came over hammered at four in the morning with roses trying to get me back when my new fling opened the door he just stood there crying for 40mins even after we closed the door
I think you'll be amused to know that I achieved the impossible feat of tripping over my own dick
Want to do me the honour of waxing my legs again before I go to Mexico? I feel like it's a tradition we shouldn't break.
she definitely didn't appreciate it when you justified bringing her home by yelling to me "fat bitches need love too"
Omg the world wants us to be better people
I refuse
I think it might be the guy sitting next to me. I've concluded he HAS to be smuggling insane amounts of onions in his wardrobe to smell like that
Randomize
