So I've been thinking a lot since she told me she's prego. But what I want to know is why my voice of reason sounds like Thomas fucking Jane!?
half the nation just spent an hour watching a balloon fly around. we are officially the dumbest fucking country.
it was really awkward, he kept trying to get on the bed with us and we kept having to kick him back on the floor.
This is a mass text. Surprise drug testing at work today. Either I've finally got to fuck my boss or I've got to quit to make this all go away. Please respond with option a or b.
Idk wtf I would do on a date. I thought wed passed that stage at least for a while. Nowadays dates should consist of blackouts and shameful mistakes.
So how many licks to the face does it take to get kicked out of the bar?
My goal is to go an entire semester without cocaine. That's an adult goal right?
Is it frowned upon to puke at Keeneland while you're betting on horses or is it just whatev
I just remembered that i did pull ups in a bikini on the porch of Red Lobster last night. someone needs to stage an intervention
I'm trying to poop and took acid, this is going to end horrid or wonderful. Oh the amusement park, not the pooping.
Idk I was embarrassed that I hit it too hard so I played it off by spitting out bong water like a 'whales blowhole'
you can't let guys come on your chest and then hog my blanket
I'm gonna die. First I'm gonna throw up. But then I'm gonna die.
Don't take a pillow from my bed. You don't know which ones of them my vagina has been on
I've peed in two sinks in the past two weeks. No one should be able to say that.
Randomize
