Whenever he makes me dinner its always mini things.. cheeseburgers, corndogs.. is he preparing me for something?
Every now and then I'll talk to a creeper for an extended amount of time. Randy, for instance, funded our entire night of horrible decisions.
I woke up to blood crusted on my face. I don't understand
team rage. no explanation necessary
I cant feel my face. Like I dont even know if I have one. I wish I had a helmet
currently wearing a football players overly sized underwear. discovered a shot count on my leg. I'm a tank hahahhh
Hypothetically, if a stripper with braces bites you on the cleavage and it leaves an open wound, do you need a tetanus shot?
I have been referring to it as "thanks for getting out of me day" all week. Do you think they will still take me to brunch tomorrow?
I think we should take up crocheing or stamp collecting....something completely lacking penises
Did the vodka turn my hair yellow or did something else happen last night?
When i left he was drinking an entire pot of coffee out of the pot with a straw. It's safe to say he's using a personal day
I remember doing shots of gin, then I have this strange memory of us making out in the womens room at waffle house.
I regret none of it.
I think my greatest accomplishment today was probably using a bottle opener to get the cap off my fourth drink while holding the cat WITHOUT dropping him.
Oh god, what has my life become?
I'm not talking about Donald Trump in the midst of sending you nudes
I just gave myself a foot massage. #SingleAsFuck
the fact that your 21st birthday is also new years eve is pretty much a death sentence
Randomize
