he was fingering me to the beat of a lady gaga song. new high? new low? i don know, but i came, so whatever.
After they won there was a guy outside Magee Hospital yelling "name your kid Sidney"... that guy may or may not have been me.
The best thing happened. Some guy was butchering Conway Twitty at karoke and the power went off in the whole bar. And someone shouted "you pissed jesus off when you messed with conway!"
i saw the 3rd guy i ever had sex with last night and kept calling him #3
Just did lines off a tackle box. Love Montana.
We decided that the paper cups disintegrating was god's way of telling us we had had enough
you described his penis as a "portable fishing pole"
I'm writing my will in case I die this week, it'll be saved on my computer under: little 500 death scenario
But it's not about our feelings, it's about making the men we sleep with feel awful about their lives
Nope not happening. When I close my eyes the floor moves. I'm going to enjoy this free roller coaster.
The claw marks on my back are healing nicely. Just thought you should know.
My bad. Next time I'll wear mittens.
Can I trade you chipotle for a pregnancy test?
Is there some sort of line being crossed when your shower activities start to involve jimmy johns?
Hired a new intern today and we have something in common. I blew her boyfriend in high school. Do you think she knows?
Dont be alarmed when you come homeand see a guy handcuffed to your bed. His name is james. Ill uncuff him when I get home
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