1 of the best things of being a business owner is I don't get fired for having sex in the office
Is it bad that we're talking like nothing happened?
Ah. Blossoming love after wild blackout drunk sex.
Ill trade u your bra for a run to the liquor store...
In line at the grocery store. The girl ahead of me is in a wetsuit and just bought 3 cases of beer and a bottle of vodka. I want to go where she's going...
My hanfda are one with the u niverse and I am cirretnly inhaling a couch
You kept trying to use my cat as a napkin.
You don't understand. This could be the last time I shave a star into my vag. Get over here.
I don't think you understand. I woke up under the car. At 3 am. In the club parking lot.
How do we stop her downward spiral?
Wine. For us.
I don't know what to do with my life other than going on Reddit and watching porn.
I just sugar scrubbed my vagina. If I don't get laid tonight, me and the universe are gonna have some problems.
My butthole probably tastes like a Cinnabon right now
The fact our science teacher from high school was buying us drinks and hitting on me doesn't matter.
Moms passed out wet and naked in a rocking chair again....
Woke up next to my vibrator and a recipe for fudge brownies. If that doesn't scream I NEED TO GET LAID, then I don't know what else could.
Randomize
