i woke up with a shattered plate next to my head.
At the bar dressed as a taco. not a typo. Come down.
He said I taste like butterscotch, licked me, then I'm pretty sure he wet his pants. So no, I do not want to invite him over.
You leave a trail of fuck everywhere you go
Dude that musta been some handjob last night. The sound of her pandora bracelet kept waking me up
Code red. She won't talk to me. Maybe it has something to do with her raccoon eyes. Perry said there was a brief moment of towel fighting until you passed out. Did you draw the turtle on my ass?
i just wanna get shit faced and pass out in some random holly bush with a bucket on my head and stockings for shoes.
That gas station is used for only two things, picking up moonshine and getting murdered. Only two outcomes.
Literally everyone in the bar was absolutely hammered out of their minds. I swear I even saw the bartender swigging jd when he thought no one was looking. And there was me thinking Britain was the booziest nation in the world.
Welcome to America. You're gonna love it.
Yea I saw a friend of yours carrying your limp body somewhere
I feel like you just railed me after that sext
i dont get why youre mad at me. i promised you he looked like jim morrison and you failed to ask me like which era
He drinks vodka like healthy people drink water and I wanted to have his adopted gay babies. That's all. I'm going to go find him and potentially propose.
She asked what a chaser is. I died a little inside, please come back..
Honestly his girlfriend says she hates me cause she thinks im trying to get him to cheat on her with me...she should hate me cause i already accomplished that.
Randomize
