Okay just took the preggers test..and im NOT! :)
awesome babe! drinks tonight!
Wait does the happy face mean yes? fuck.
I hate that the only Italian aspect of me is I get red and sweaty when I drink
I swallowed and made him pancakes in the morning. I feel almost as desperate as Jennifer Aniston at this point.
My Adderall prescription says to take my recommended dose and throw away any leftover pills. Why don't more prescriptions come with jokes like this?
I need a horse. I don't think you can get a DUI on a living creature.
I'm seriously gonna die surrounded by a million cats and an unbroken hymen
Is buying her a loofah for my house commitment like? I don't wanna give the wrong idea
i can't believe he threw up on you. Well thats what you get for being DD. I used the sombreros as a shield!
My new roommate just announced that she got her period, popped a percoset, smoked a bowl, and started playing a video game. She says she's not moving till it's over. New hero?
You slid down the wall and got into the fetal position. He was definitely judging... I was judging....
Matched with the lumberjack. Here's your wedding invite.
what did we do after we left your crib?
you layed down in some rocks for about an hour, you stole some pumpkins, you passed out and started shaking, we got t-bell, we took you back to the dorm.
no real plans this weekend. trying to derail the alcohol induced fucking hell train I've been riding for the past three weeks.
I've seen your dick too many times for both of us to be straight.
I think the heterosexuals across the hall are negotiating about breeding. How do I figure out which one is against it and back them up?
Randomize
