Why did I wake up this morning with 10 tally marks on my hand and a penis drawn on my tits?
I just saw on the news, this guy tried to smuggle coke in a bouquet of roses... and to think I used to hate valentines day.
Also, the drinking age in Japan is 20. At what point in the sky am I allowed to start downing alcohol?
I have major gossip for you.
Oh no, did you have sex last night?
If I had sex last night I'd probably post it on facebook. It's been that long and I'd be that excited.
I choose McDonald's breakfast at 1:28am over sex anytime
I tried eating pop-rocks while giving him a bj, I honestly think I was more disappointed with the results than he was.
And my cousin was so drunk he called an uber and instead he got into a cop car and they took him to the hospital
Currently googling hangover cures, which looks a lot like working from the perspective of my boss.
How do you politely tell someone to get out of your house in Russian
I also fell asleep on the side of a tree so like I hit my lowest point there but it was a good time
Not as bad as when you were sitting in the pond getting fed water
And then she proceeded to tell us that blowing your brother made her feel like part of the family. At this point you were still pretending to be a cat. Need I give another reason she can't live with us?
No you just wanted to pass out in your hallway because your room was too far away
I'm at home, drunk, and I just called the guy I lost my virginity to and invited him to my wedding.. I've got to stop drinking by myself.
When the nurses wouldn't let him smoke in the hospital he decided to just roll around on the floor.
Remember that gum I swallowed 3 days ago? I just threw it up.... whole.
Randomize
