I feel like i just miscarried Jesus's baby...
what kind of vibe do I give off that a guy i've never hung out with thinks its okay to send me a picture of his ball cleavage?
he was uncircumcised...I HAVE NOT YET REACHED THAT SKILL LEVEL OF DICK
I'm quitting my job and I'm just going to become a professional drunk girls mistake.
I did the walk of shame to church this morning.
hooker boots and all?
Yep. People looked at me like I was the prodigal daughter returning home. Full of sins but welcome anyway.
I stayed at the bar and helped clean up cause I was told I'd get free shots. Didn't happen.
I have Retrograde Ejaculation as a side effect from one of my meds. Is this a respectable form of birth control?
Nothing like pulling a bottle of vodka out of your purse at 7am in the security line to make your fellow passengers uncomfortable...
I. recorded a message of me yelling at myself to "get up out of that bed" and set it an alarm. REALLY loud
Final Summary: could he eat a lit sparkler? Probably. Could he do it while peeing off the roof? I'll tell you when you get to the ER.
The more I piece together last night the more I want to vomit it out of my brain.
Dipping my sugar cookies in a glass of fireball and creme soda. This is holiday spirit
I'm surronded by jorts. You're probably too drunk to care. I'm gonna cry now. Love you.
Wait. How did I get engaged last night?
He deliberately gets me high because he knows I fuck better and then I make food for two. I don't know if I should feel mad or proud of him for thinking that far.
Randomize
