Guys who wear capris make me want to kill endangered species.
so while trying to be a healthier drunk i discovered that putting airborne in natty is not an advisable decision
i just shit on the floor of my room. my roommate was in the bathroom, my choices were limited.
Just got the orientation leader spot. For the first two days, I will be one of the best looking guys on campus. The freshman girls will be so disappointed they settled for me when everyone else comes back.
Dude, somewhere around here makes 4loko slushies. I just decided coming home isn't so bad.
Am I undercharging for one hour of sex per essay? I need a serious business answer.
I just found a casserole dish in my oven filled with broken glass, blood, and chopsticks. And the REALLY fucked up thing is that finding it answered more questions than it raised.
It's been this way for a few days. I had chick fil a on Friday so this could be an attack from the Gay Gods as punishment.
i don't knpow whats goin on i think theyre sacrificeing me to th tequila gods
The guy behind me is talking about how his life goal is to use his knowledge of mathematics to make the world a better place. My only life goal right now is getting through this lecture without throwing up in my lap.
I do NOT want to date a man who has no interest in going to a kangaroo farm
I JUST LIKE FLANNEL, NOT VAGINAS! OK?
WHO TURNS DOWNA FRESHLY WAXED VAGINA IN A MAIDS COSTUME LITERALLY LAYING IN YOUR BED
He will forever be known as the toe sucker who may or may not have been a father
WHERE THE FUCK AM I? AND WHO PUT DUCK TAPE ON MY NIPPLES! MY NIPPLES!!!!!!
Wait til you see what we did to Dave. Hairy bastard will never be the same
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