i couldnt tell she was wearing a bumpit until she started giving me head
So you actually don't remember giving head to the Neil Armstrong statue last night?
He somehow managed to accomplish karate kicking a door down, cockblocking my friend in the room, and writing "tits" all over the house with a blue sharpie.
His penis is literally smaller than my cell phone. I can't go out like that.
After we were done the second time she turned to me and called me a Hardcore Armadillo. Also, her O face involves crossed eyes. You tell me.
He literally chugged a bottle of wine in under 2 minutes. Stood up, said "fuck what ya heard" and stabbed the bottle into their drywall.
Like if a baby's bottom had nipples, that's how my boobs feel
I only have one kid whom I wish to hit in the face with an active jackhammer. How's work?
I found my grandmother's vibrator, how was your day?
You thanked your mom for the gymnastic lessons so you could do a keg stand
I don't know what's wrong with me. The guy from bar rescue is making me horny
in the past 2 days I've ruined2-3 lives, made 2 men quit the bar, started a Wednesdays only affair, ended it, ruined that engagement and had my tires slashed by a jealous bouncer. please stop letting me out....
I am certain that you would be a mere freckle on the behemoth of slutty that has taken place at this complex.
I can't believe I slept with a girl who has the words shucks in her vocabulary. I'm getting less picky by the day..
The viagra-rita was a sexual success and a furniture failure. He said it was the best cowgirl sex he’s ever had even with the broken couch
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