yo my bday is less then one week away. hope youve found another annoying candian i can lick dairy products off of. also sorry about your loss
I heard it from a little bird bananas is gonna be there
Is this bird reliable bc I don't wanna be wasted running around the bar asking where bananas is
Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake
And this is weird.. I feel slightly less depressed after shitting myself.
I swear there's a gravitational pull from your vagina to large groups of men in uniform.
Have you asked your drug dealer if he wants to see harry potter with you?
The walk home from the bar is FAR more shameful in daylight.
Asking him not to sleep with other girls is like asking me not to have my period apparently
YOU CAN'T BASE A RELATIONSHIP OFF A PENIS
I LIKE HIS TONGUE TOO.
I was grinding on him when mosquitoes starting biting us and ruined every damn thing. I just wanted to fuck on a slide under the stars. It's every girls dream.
Feels like I ran a marathon last night. A tequila marathon.
I don't know when he had the time to do it but he dug a hole in our basement like the shawshank redemption
Let's ride this possibly pregnant train together
I don't want to spend an inordinate amount of time with you, I want to have sex with you. Duhhhhhh.
Im just drunk enough to admit that I miss Hannah Montana.
Randomize
