So I just found panties on our kitchen floor that had a slit in the vagina section. Does that mean shes open for sex, or she has a penis?
I spilled a beer on myself, so I went back to my place to change. The city marshall was at my door with a warrant. That beer cost me 760 bucks.
I'm pretty sure she sent a group text out saying that I was the one to get with her last night and sorry to everyone who didnt make it.
Honestly it was an honor just to be nominated.
she said she's never had and orgasm AND she's a cubs fan...ouch.
I'm sorry about your car but on a brighter note I did wake up in my dorm. That's something right?
Fuck you.
I pretty much envision me eating a turkey leg whilst fucking you. I have priorities.
You can't tell me you've honestly NEVER considered smoking a Froot Loop
I'm really having trouble focusing on shark week with this erection
I guess when I black out I feel that it's not inappropriate to grope my gf in front of her parents.... But hey at least I'm starting off 2013 single
On a completely unrelated note I think I have carpal tunnel
Again, totally unrelated
I was hooking up with him and then someone banged on the door and shouted "When you get the chance, will you put the weed on the veranda?"
Nothing says hey I wanna be your friend again like ambushing me with a dick pic
He has a beach house and a Simba tattoo. Our wedding is next Tuesday, hope you're free.
He just showed up at my house with a giant box of Trojans and a 6-pack of Yoohoo "for a special treat afterwards". I'm in love.
also, my mom just called to make sure the dick tattoo on your arm was fake..
Randomize
