The worlds most fuckable chipmunk
That's what you get when you play shuffleboard drunk.
I just want to get to the point in our relationship where I can get on top of her and fart and we can both laugh...not just me.
I drunkenly sent a picture of my scrotum to the entire baseball team last night
I just taped a plastic bag to my ceiling for the next time I have to throw up on the top bunk. Why am I so good at college?
Then he took his girlfriend's fuzzy handcuffs and locked me to their bed. Key is in an unknown location. He's surprisingly idiotic, for being premed.
Because if the best sex I've ever had was with a gay guy, then God help me.
He's hungover and at the neighbour's garage sale negotiating a price for a tuba.
There a special place in hell for drunk criers. A special FUCKING PLACE
Packing a mid day bowl in the Sonic parking lot. Have I gone too stoner?
... drunk me broke the coffee table?
STOP TALKING ABOUT YOURSELF IN THE THIRD PERSON. YOU DID THE THING.
Ya know what's the worst? Being drunk and wanting to show someone a picture of your goddaughter but not wanting to open the pictures on your phone because the first one is of someone's dick..
My saturday night consisted of sewing my Halloween costume and watching Blues Clues
You actually...sewed your costume?
Last 4 google searches: class c felony, scary ghosts, peanut butter jelly time, Lindsey lohans vagina
Bro, I was just laying in bed with this girl and her boyfriend came an woke me up
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