I woke up face first on my living room floor arms outstretched toward the christmas tree
Well, I guess this was as good a night as any to find out I don't know how to use my fire extinguisher.
Hey so summary of last night. I threw up in a rain boot then tipped it over on my bed, did my laundry and passed the fuck out. I feel like I didn't see you.
Something's wrong. Everything's on fire. Unless it was like that before. Then everything's alright.
I've come to the conclusion while folding laundry and watching porn that I may be dead inside.
Tommarow we shall sacrifice the freshmen to the sun god
Cockoligist
Yes, one may refer to me as that.
I should make business cards.
Took three klonopin and turned all my jeans into jorts. I miss you
Apparently when the cops arrived I was standing over him in the bathroom yelling, get the fuck up you piece of shit. Beer still in hand.
Don't be offended, the only thing I'm attracted to right now is snack cakes and chicken wings.
the only reason I'm still sleeping with him is to get the university's secure wifi password
Yeah, I'm just gonna try to repress that and remember him for his big dick and perfect jawline.
Yeah, I probably need some combination of electric shock, massive quantities of LSD, and enough couch time time to make Woody Allen say "Enough".
Will u make me a "6 month anniversary of being single" cake??? I wanna celebrate
After the "sex" was over I dressed as quickly as possible. And then he came over to me stark naked and embraced me. For over a minute. And all I could think was please get your penis off my dress.
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