apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
Omg. Budweiser tramp-stamp sighting @ Wal-mart. Best tattoo EVAR.
My natural self cock block skills kicked in last night. I could've got on like 2 chicks but i ended up throwing up all over my van instead.
open bar reception. dayglow. pray for me
I mean, I know going to rehab probably didn't make her a lesbian, but I can always hope
It's getting increasingly easier to use his emotional instability to my advantage. That's about all he has going for him right now.
Listen, you need to start thinking with your vagina and not with your heart... That emotional shit is for your 30s.
I found him in bed on a pullout couch with another dude. He had two empty puke buckets and his empty bottle of jagermeister right by his head.
All I saw was a purple blob and poking out from under was part of a green shirt. Took me a minute to realize it was him under that beast.Thought I should ask if he was actually breathing and conscience but then I saw him slowly exploring what few brave men have done before.
Two things: Why did I wake up in a pool of blood? And am I still invited to the wedding?
No idea. And yes be here at 4
You told her that she shouldn't be allowed to wear clothes then when her roommate asked if you like her you said "no I just want to insert things into her"
I stand by it.
Do you have paint?
Paint? I wish
OMG WHAT ARE YOU DOING
My fall semester strategy is to submit my papers with a nude selfie
You've got post-grad studies written all over you
Yeah ok. We can maid of honor each other since you don't like my boobs enough to lesbian marry me
And the next thing I knew I was blowing this random hot italian bartender with an uncircumcised penis in his work closet
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