I've realized that you're the only friend i can rely on to drink with me any given day. i thank you for that.
he said that he wanted to outsmoke the rain, I don't know what that means but I'm gonna go help him
You know, I had the money for a pregnancy test, but at the time, tacos were more important.
I just won't go as hard tonight. Four dollar ladies night drink or drown is not a good idea for me. I like to get my money's worth.
shes the kind of girl that would cock block endangered pandas
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE ASSHOLE WHO BREAKS OUT THE SHOTS
DUDE EDDIE MURPHY JUST DID A BODY SHOT OFF A HOOKER. IM NEVER COMING HOME
Sometimes things go your way and sometimes you get hit on by a fat drunk girl.
Who the fuck superglued glowsticks to my arm.
I JUST WATCHED PAULA DEEN PUT BUTTER IN HER BLOODY MARY. This is not a drill. Real life.
I think the "tmi" ship sailed a long time ago, and it took our dignities with it..
I don't know what you're doing this morning, but obtaining Plan B is my number-one priority.
you said "it's karaoke night" and tried to use my dick as a microphone
if i had an alexa it would be saying “have sex with guys that don’t care about you”
we started drinking at 4pm, somehows its 1 am im in bathing suit running from the cops.....any explanation of what happened?
Randomize
