I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
yeah. then i thought it would be a good idea to show them how hairy my armpits were, so they'd be distracted from the bush in my pants. EPIC FAIL.
im not an educated person. i just do things. and it works out in my favor
I convinced a girl to do a shot of salsa someone fell through the whole on the porch and Sara swallowed a beer tab
He's having a heart to heart coversation with the keg about what he should do with his life.
I woke up this morning covered in blood and peanut butter. I am now safe from vampires with nut allergies.
She thought that based on the way she feels that she got drugged last night, but come on, her turn on word is hello, who needs to drug that??
Not going to lie- I'm a little freaked out camping right now. This is one of those high activities you don't do by yourselves...or close to bears
Seeing your one night stand on campus never gets less awkward. Why is Subway the only good place to eat?
I feel I must have sex with him first to fully decide where my vagina belongs.
Oh okay well are you handling the "just sex part" like a professional hooker like I taught you?
Well I may have gotten laid but I over drafted buying pizza so I think that negates everything
You know something is wrong with your life when your mom is at the bar getting free tequila shots and you aren't
By the time I realized I was watching a Danish porno with muppets it was already too late
Stop trying to mix nacho cheese and sex. Guys don’t want hot cheese near their junk. Pick a better fetish
Randomize
