I hope you get the herp and dife. The emd.
Get out...Run...Or there's going to be a dick in your mailbox
I need a sticker that says "It's no use hitting on me - I'm the plus one" Seriously, how do they think I got in in the 1st place?
i really wish someone from a royal background would fuck me so i could literally say i was 'royally fucked'.
Ps. I feel like I may pee myself this weekend. Either drunkenly or out of excitement. Toss up
your like the ambassador to my penis.
your love of good penises attached to ugly faces is disgusting and slightly disturbing.
He got up when I started trying to balance my wine glass on his head.
Apparently the Massachusetts Bay Transit Authority severely looks down on Chinese firedrills on a public bus
Yeah but the people love.
Come on there are only so many drink coaster sizes nipples in the world
The police report said "I asked the suspect if he had any identification. He replied yes and gave me a Pizza Hut gift card"
You rolled onto your side and told me 'this is the recovery position'. That was after you were stoned. You've done this way too much.
She told him that she never wanted to see him again then took his takeout box of bacon cheddar fries and got in the uber saying "for feminism"
I think that's the first time I had "ass rimming" scroll across my phone at work
I just Spray tanned myself while high as fuck its either going to look like a work of art or terrible graffiti
Randomize
