May have just accidentally purchased an iphone on Kate's credit card. This has potential to be bad.
The only person who has seen my penis more than that girl, is that girl's sister.
I wonder what it would be like to go to the dry cleaners and not have to inform them that all my clothes are stained with booze.
for future reference: anal bleach BEFORE boozing
His facebook status was woke up with a whale ..... Captain AHAB IS BACK !!!!!
He thought he was drowning because he was drinking water and intentionally holding his breath. Dear god what did you get me in to.
Oh and now he's calling me Brohammed Ali.
Tim john just told us the story about him losing his virginity at 14 during church on the emergency exit staircase. This is day drinking?
Update. He just picked me up and tried to demonstrate
THE ALMIGHTY HAS FALLEN DRUNKENLY OFF HIS HIGH HORSE AND INTO HOLLY'S VAGINA
I think our prof has caught onto our drinking game. He burst into the room with a big smile on his face and yelled "essentially! Essentially! Essentially!"
I just compared his sexting to a plate of spaghetti. And he STILL wants to sleep with me.
That was a very uncomfortable conversation to have without pants on. But his mom was pretty cool about it.
Only my second night back in town and I already have drunk middle aged women doing the robot around me in a circle.
Why the fuck is there a picture of us jumping a girl that's wearing my chicken mask?
who knew being a fake dominatrix could be so fun?
um care to explain the stolen chinchila under greg's bed..i'd be fine with it if it wasnt chewing up the stash
Randomize
