If he comes back to you and I'm left alone in lonelytown I'm totally going to poo on your car.
We just found a handle of vodka in our fridge and no one knows how it got there. God I love spring break.
It's official, I've know hooked up with everyone I carpooled with in middle school
I got him a footlong to apologize for trying to push him off a balcony...
I'm beginning to think the only reason I get laid anymore is girls are fantasizing sleeping with my dad...
I want to get my vag crammed with complete loss of every bit of dignity I have left by this man from every angle on every flat surface that exists. That is all.
I wish my brain had a "congrats you just defeated the munchies" notification!
I whispered "you're doing a great Job" when he was fucking me. Then high fived him.
But the guy you're fucking should not be within ten pounds of your weight when you're five fucking feet tall and he's 6'2". That's all I'm saying.
I feel like if tampons weren't meant to be microwaved, they'd have a warning on the box, so we should be okay...
WHAT IS HAPPENING
A FLOCK OF DICKS IS MIGRATING TOWARDS US.
Her instagram is literally selfies, cats, and guys she's fucked.
You continued to run around saying "free the nipple" while "taste testing" every liquor on the premises.
How much weight does it take to launch a cat using a trebuchet vs the tension required for a catapult?
Right. Cuz nothing screams "You made it!" quite like selling your used underwear to strangers you met on the internet.
Randomize
