is it bad if i hope guys are like edward cullen and can read my mind. i could be a whore in disguise.
I tried to pay my bar tab with my gym membership card. Twice.
Her life must suck. All she's got is "Miss Shamrock" WHICH SHE LOST!
I really hope I'm not the first person who's had to wash vomit off of cash and credit cards.
I feel that my census will not be the first census submitted soaked in beer
She kept saying my hands are a cupcake factory
I may only be a second year med student but I feel very confident in calling that a micropenis.
Hi Jessica this is Jessica and I am texting you and were taking lime shots and it's fantastic and I broke your elbow and I love you xo
ugh he was not leaving in the morning so i tried to scare him by crying and saying i wasnt ready to lose my virginity.
Let's get really high and wear fake mustaches and try not to laugh at each other...
So neither of us had a dollar bill and we couldnt find a straw so we spent all nite doing coke through penne pasta
holy fuck man...it feels like I got beat the fuck out of by death's baseball bat...chimichangas?
I am at 99 matches in less than 24 hours, I need a tinder rehab program
How did i get home and why am i wearing someone elses shorts?
1. Not sure how 2. You showed up naked, we had to dress you.
UGH I HATE BEING THIS WAY IM GOING TO GO HUG THE CACTUS YOU GOT ME
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