i was texting myself key events from last night so i could remember this morning. looked at my phone, texted my mother instead. our numbers differ by 1 digit
im in a room full of women tattooing each others tits. i hope i remember this tomorrow
what if every blade of grass was a penis?
Pre-game strategy: play thunder by yourself in the shower. Surprisingly, success.
i woke up with a wedding ring drawn on my finger...if this was vegas id be worried
Just drive me around campus, I will be able to smell their innocence.
She said, "I don't really go out much, but my husband recently cheated on me" and I don't remember anything after that.
You should make cookies and when I get home we can have a slow motion hug and eat them
I need a Xanax. A Veggie Delight. And exhibition style sex.
One of those nights had to have been when we tried to walk through the McDonald's drive through -- and then got in the car with complete strangers. And stole their hamburgers.
Oh yeah I remember when I first saw Kyler's balls. If there's anything high school swim prepared me for, it's the amount of testicles I would see here
Have you had sex with a man from New Zealand? No? Then your input is invalid.
It figures that the only time one of my videos on Snapchat gets replayed is a video of my Hedonism Bot impression and NOT my nudes
I just took a shot before my midterm. Gotta keep things in perspective.
The guy in the cage next to me is having phone sex. His girlfriend is in College Library. Why is my life ridiculous.
Randomize
