I'm at the store buying plan b and vodka
the cocktail of hope
i'm lost and i look like a hooker
Truelife: I made out with my ex-boyfriend's girlfriend this weekend. Thank you Captain Morgan...
Was she wearing cherry chapstick??
No. Life's not always a fairytale.....
We'll probably be arrested for having a cheetah in our apartment anyway, so I say go for it.
She said that I needed to "pregame her so it can slip right in."
Getting too drunk for the hot dog vendor to serve me is possibly a sign of an alcohol problem. I threw up in the sewer grates next to his stand
You swear the intervention is for her? I've fallen for that one twice.
you stumbled up the stairs in your heels, pulled 23 one-dollar bills out of your bra and then went and puked in the toilet. didnt say a single thing to me the whole time
She said "oh yeah" like Hulk Hogan with the muscle flex and everything. Totally digging this chick
Also, did you really start discussing the weather in the middle of telling you my sexual fantasy about you?
I'm horny too so maybe we will both recap our regrets on Sunday
doing the walk of shame back to your house in nothing but a bed sheet was definitely not one of my proudest moments..
I'm never going out with the ashleys again. it was whoreible. terrifyingly whoreible.
I want to respect them as people, but really I just want to have sex with them.
Turns out I made out with a woman dressed as a unicorn here 10 years ago
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