I got into my dads silver toyota in the back seat to get picked up and 2 mins later I asked my dad when are we leaving, then an old mexican woman turned around. wrong toyota I'm guessing.
We just found a handle of vodka in our fridge and no one knows how it got there. God I love spring break.
this blows. i told the guy at the bar that i was the DD and it was like i just announced over megaphone that i had genital herpes. no one will talk to me now.
I am watching the CFL at a Hooters in Texarakana. I made a poor life choice at some point that led me here.
Did you really just use your nipple as a unit of measurement?
Kegstand on crutches, you need to get on my level.
I had to help some 40 year old women shoot down some 21 year old who called her his "milf fantasy"
i woke up with 5 inch heels locked on my feet and my car keys missing. this is gonna be an interesting walk home
I fucked some frat guy. Then I found my brother after and made him take his shirt off and then I made him tell me he loves me
I know you just got dumped by your gf but believe there is still good in the world. I just smoked a joint and took a fucking unbelievable poop. Give me a call tomorrow.
I woke up with "To whom it may concern" sharpied on my dick
He literally said from now on he's always banging chicks with asthma becuas it's such an ego booster
Good luck. While you're suffocating on a dick, I'll be eating pizza rolls. Being a good girl.
I just watched my mom pour beer into her vodka and drink it.
I promise your sink was clogged before I threw up in it.
Randomize
