even in the morning, she still thinks my british accent is real.
i got a blow job in the bathroom during intermission at the hockey game. i'm pretty sure i made Canada proud.
My Pizza Lunchables won't fit in the fridge because of all your alcohol. One of our addictions has to give.
btw, do you remember scaling that porch last night?
Well I will be attending the wedding with a flask of wine, potentially with a straw, and POM POMS for cheering purposes. Needless to say I will be well lubricated by your arrival..
Idk if I woke up next to a cat or raccoon. either way it's purring.
I got my project done and a booty call in all before 1am. I'm a professional college kid.
My parents got me a bottle of vodka and a puke bucket for christmas. I've already used both.
Don't matter if she's straight, I'll get her. I'm not called The Transformer for nothing
I'm 50% okay with that amount of body contact... plus/minus 7% based on where blood may flow.
You can't have your cake and publicly stick your dick in it too
Just remembered I said your cat looked delicious last night.
My neighbor is burning all of her ex's things in a metal drum outside the window. Guess who's going to make a new friend?
I renamed some of my contacts in my phone before passing out and I have one I cant figure out, its "fucking house elf scum"
Just escaped from the ER. Meet me at the bar in 20 minutes.
Randomize
