I used to have a blog that was basically all about ****** and all of his sexual misadventures
I mean it made tucker max look like a fucking alterboy
But unfortunatley his mom did a google search and found it
Dude, I woke up in the kitchen, naked, with a blueberry bagel as a pillow.
Can I eat your pillow?
70 feet underwater and I sharted my wetsuit, Tide pen won't clean this up.
The panties match.
I'll be right there.
the sad thing is, im pretty sure she was serious about giving me head for my falafel
Hey can we break in your window? We need to borrow the dog.
i would have thought, that you two being my best friends, one of you would have atleast tried to catch me before i hit the ground after blacking out.
When we were done making out, some guy ran into the room yelling, "I'll save you Brandon! I'll save you!"
I feel like I have heartburn in my nipples.
Turns out the guy I peed on gave me a ride back to my dorm this morning.
You are a god.
My sober self will be embarrassed tomorrow. For now I am laughing my ass off.
Like Napoleon Dynamite?
Exactly like Napoleon Dynamite
But with bacon.
You asked him if he would have sex with you under the dinosaur. He declined and then you started crying, blaming the sand.
So, I need to know. Why did you spraypaint your underwear gold?
Why do so many fanfic writers want to see hockey players get pregnant?
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