i'm in his phone as sushi coochie
It's official. Every guy I've slept with has been to jail.
Just saw a guy at the gas station legitimately dressed in exactly what my costume was last night. Fuck his life.
i was concerned by what you said you would do for a snickers. It wasn't even a Klondike bar.
my mom just poured a water bottle of wine to take my dog on a walk...
i'm glad we're now at the level of friendship where we can comfortably discuss the quality of our shit
They got a 10 foot tall beach ball from the roof of a McDonalds. Get the fuck over here.
Honestly the war on drugs is dumb and you can just sleep in my bed which is mega comfortable anytime you want. There I said it
just walked into the study room and found an empty bottle of vodka and a passed out freshman. Did you have anything to do with this?
Drinking Fireball means never having to say you're sorry. Unless its at you're arraignment.
What's it called where you go to the stripclub with two guys that have both gone down on you...
Tuesday
We got to his house at 7am and two random guys were on the couch shot gunning beers saying we were late for the party
Aka I'm headed to the liquor store because I don't know how to handle my emotions.
Fuck this. I'm adopting 12 cats and naming them after the 12 disciples. Maybe Jesus will have sympathy for me then.
You still owe me one bodily function mess clean up.
You pee on the floor one time and you never hear the end of it...
Randomize
