Reminder- he's a douche bag. A big one.
Sponge bath it is.
I just realized that i have never seen about 30 percent of my friends sober before
Just gave my little brother the collection of clothes that boys have left in my room since I've been in college for his birthday.
Wednesday. Otherwise known, to you at least, as "there are two gay men in my bed" day.
when i'm drunk i think im just gonna point at him and yell adultery is a sinnnn. youre going to helllll
I probably looked like a mental patient. I had my IV in one hand and cup of pee in the other, swaying around with a dazed grin on my face. I love vicodin.
i woke up hungover wearing my gym shorts and the condom from last night. Wine bar thursdays rule.
You should fuck with them and beat off in the cup and then walk out an be like, "This was a sperm donation right?"
I just look @ having a child spit on you as another form of birth control. I think my ovaries just tied themselves in a knot.
I was hooking up with him and then someone banged on the door and shouted "When you get the chance, will you put the weed on the veranda?"
Dude I just clenched/unclenched my hindquarters while looking in the mirror I have fucking talent
Last night I recall my hair going up in flames. This is evident by the burnt hair smell that is following me around this morning
Once you find out someone has a small dick, you never look at them the same again.
hey, so i dont know your name. but im guessing we had sex last night. seeing that you're in my phone as "had sex time thursty thursday guy"
Randomize
