batman tramp stamp. Dibs.
Abreva sucks. I applied it as directed and now it looks like I fed the herpes. They're throwing a party on my bottom lip.
Yeah we can't find him. He left a note saying he left and isn't that drunk with what appears to be an attempt at the quadratic formula for proof. He also wrote down his number and left his phone by the note
he ran through my sliding door
in his defense that door gets complicated after 10 beers
You realize your sleeping pills are working when you pick up your iPhone and almost bite it because you thought it was a graham cracker
Let me tell you the story of bicurious george
God I need to stop before there's a picture of my dick on my mom's phone.
And then he said he wanted to "get really weird with me on my horse." I took that as he wants to fuck me while riding my horse. Could be a good time.
I don't care if his family has ties to the mafia, you go over there, ride his dick until it breaks off, put his dick back on, and keep on riding. Lather, rinse, repeat.
Thanks for the support, sis.
I'm not gonna ask the guy I've fucked like 3 times if he is insecure about his eyebrows.
Success! We fucked roommates!
He did a backflip because drugs
Side note: I apologize for sex being the subject of every single one of my texts. That's what happens when you date an older man who constantly denies you sex on the basis of his ridiculous morals.
None of what you just said was coherent
I just bought wine at a gas station what the hell do you expect
Setting myself up for trouble? Yes. But getting laid is a lot more important at this time.
Randomize
