They still haven't come up with a cure for a hangover; good luck cancer.
You tried to convince our cab driver that your $2 bill was worth $11.70
What happened to chicks over dicks?
That rule does not apply to 9 inch dicks..
It was around the time I started requesting "big girl straws" from the bartender for my jack and diets, that I knew I'd probably wake up with my sunglasses on and find my wallet in the shower.
I found a digiorno pizza in my washing machine.
Chugged a beer while being walked to the bathroom by campus police to pour the beers out.
Last night was the first night with all of the roommates, and what started as a calm night of light drinking got out of hand. There's a girl on my couch wearing only a fanny pack.
This is a test of Andrews drunk texting, had this been an actual drunk text, all the words would be spelled incorrectly and would be missing key verbs and nouns, followed by a request to not get fired.
that's probably because you left your arm in the fishtank for 90% of the night
Facebook stalking ex-girlfriends who went to rehab. This is my life.
The fact that there are multiple ex-girlfriends who have been to rehab concerns me
I woke up on a boat next to an extremely attractive man wearing nothing but a life jacket. Neither one of us owns a boat...
That tampon felt like a stick in my vagina, I am never making a drunken tampon choice again. Friends don't let friends choose tampons drunk.
I never thought I would have to arrest my own parents on a sunday night
Periods are much less exciting when you're not sexually active.
I woke up in a warehouse with the words “Property of Adam” written on my chest in frosting.
Randomize
