i was texting myself key events from last night so i could remember this morning. looked at my phone, texted my mother instead. our numbers differ by 1 digit
May or may not have found my way onto a stripper bus. To Chicago.
apparently i found nail polish and started playing a game i made up called "paint a nail, do a shot"
Can you do me a favor and fuck someone with a car so I can get a ride home?
he's wearing our apron and eating a pb and oreo sandwich. and calling the oreos "topless" since he took their tops off...
My leg won't stop wagging. It's like it's congratulating my vagina.
Odd question. Did you find a 20 in your boxers? I need it for gas.
Man, I wish they all looked like that. Your vagina deserves to have a nice frame around it, and God's signature at the bottom.
Just realized i left my bra at his house. WHY do i suck at one night stands?!
so i might have figured out why that girl isn't talking to me...I'm 90% confident I didn't give her a pillow when she stayed over >.>
Also, I pretty much need an IV of fluids straight to my soul
Dudes don't just lick butts of chicks they're not into.
I just said "I love my cat" as a hobby.
Dude, I need a fuckin wingman and this could finally make us eskimo brothers, how can you pass that up?
We're going to watch the inauguration and fuck. Or fuck and watch the inauguration, I'm not picky, just get your ass over here by ten.
Randomize
