hey this is lauren, i have to type for jon because he's convinced the tongs he's holding are his real hands
I think most guys look at porn as a fallback career. I mean I know I do.
so how do you plan on seducing my econ TA?
by telling him that he has a large supply and that i demand it...in my mouth. it shows him that i'm slutty and that i pay attention in econ
I wasted some perfectly good semen on her
I had a dream about a turtle sitting on top of a horse skull. I'm certain its a symbol for my dead sex life. Trust me.
I am omw to AA Fellowship by the sea w Jenny and a stripper who just paid for our jetski with 85 $1 bills
6 beers and it feels like I've been drinking water... Daiquiri time
He's not replying to my booty call. Like wtf. You have ONE PURPOSE IN LIFE.
There is a guy here calling himself the pants less weed fairy
This snow needs to melt so I can get wasted on someones front lawn
He was trying to talk to me about standards while he had a french fry box on his hand like a glove and was using it to flatten his cheeseburger.
someone just got arrested on campus...
holy fuck look at all that cocaine
Your ability to whip out your dick and take a pic anytime I text you is startling.
Wine and a Lunchable. That would be depressing if it wasn't the pepperoni and mozzarella one. Those are the shit!
Dude you literally tried to cook your phone in the microwave. You were so wasted you asked your mom to help you turn it on.
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