somehow on my way home with matt, I ended up straddling steve on the sidewalk and polling the people walking by on whether or not we should have sex.
New requirements. My future husband must have a nose ring and wear headbands.
We are no longer friends.
he was screaming in a recently acquired accent that he paid for delivery and they could cancel the entire order if they didn't come upstairs
I thought you said it was going to get worse not hilarious.
the delivery boy turned out to be my students mother. now she knows that i have incredibly low standards AND thanks to the fact that he still has dialup the pizza tracker was way off and she rang the bell and he answered mid bong rip.
he started drinking at 9am with grey goose and pancakes. He IS my hero.
He ended up walking out of his bedroom and told me to look at the nonexistent fire he was holding in his hand. Im upset I didn't take those shrooms.
There's a lady here with a big bag of dildos. I'm not sure that's appropriate bar baggage but, I like her style
She just kept saying "bless your heart" to him while he cried because he came so fast. I think a Texas woman was just what he needed
While running home from the bar in high heels I multi- tasked and sexted with Brent. Jesus.
Seeing the pictures of him and i, I'm giving whiskey the win on this one. Definitely had beer goggles.
Today wasn't Sunday Funday, it was more like Sunday god is taking a shit on my life day
And they're not making a turkey. My cousin was "hoping to shoot a bird this week"
then he told me my boobs feel like "if you put mushroom soup in a baggie." I don't know how I'm supposed to feel about this.
FYI the blow job was for papa johns pizza
I regret 8000% nothing
In another note. Thanks for making me get a vibrator. For real.
All I know is that I got to have an orgasm yesterday during sex so nobody can put a damper on my day, NOBODYYYYYY
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