the quote on the bathroom wall was "stop reading this and focus on peeing" and i realized i'd peed on the seat.
I googled "I hate my uterus" just to make sure I wasn't the only one.
Just thought i should tell someone im on the roof, if i pass out up here because no one found me, im behind the chimney
A kid in my class brought a George Foreman and cooked food mid lecture. When the prof found out, all the kid did was ask if he wanted some.
They wouldn't let me go to sleep at the police station while I was waiting to bail u out. YOU OWE ME
I tried to get you a girl. They want us to cook breakfast though
Lolll I'll be sleeping
I'm practically buying you a 1 way ticket to pound town.
well shes beginning to earn a reputation as "the girl who tries to bone her hook ups in the ass with a pickle"
i feel we're the only people who'd use nyquil sexually
A guy with the name Pootie Tang winked st me and a guy that doesn't speak English messaged me. These are my choices?
Got to the gym, getting changed, found a jello shot in my shoes.
My roommate told me he found me naked in the shower puking and when he asked why I was naked I said "you can't wear clothes in a shower"
How many fucks given?
0.12846
So I think I've successful blown my foot off in a way that's going to make you call me an idiot.
And speaking of good acting I may have a sex tape now
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
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