I just found that girl ____ on facebook, her activities include "church nursery" yikes
wanna go halves on a baby?
you dont need to remember merediths name haha. only jane
My breakfast consisted of a slimfast and an adderal. My fridge is like an insecurity buffet.
The night ended with a lot of tears and everyone singing along to Willenium
It'll be like the burning bush except without moses and with pubes.
And now I have fucked a local celebrity so double free drinks at bars.
My genitals don't want beer. They want to not feel like they wandered into a hornet's nest.
I am truly sorry that you have to put your dog down. He was a great dog, and a great friend. I am still not showing you my tits.
I need an inhaler full of pot for all of this breathless rage.
being single and having a boyfriend 300 miles away is eerily similar. never skipped a beat eating hot wings in my bed with no pants or masturbating every day.
Did you smoke and go to the aquarium again?
I went looking for them and I pulled my pants down and peed on the lawn. I found my phone in the same spot in the morning.
Yeah well I fucked my ex on a sink last night soooo booty calls for us all
the raccoons are back...
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