dude, best porn name ever, "the Hunt for Red Cocktober"
Since you didn't call me back last night, I can only assume that in 9 months you're going to have a child that I'm going to refer to as, "Daddy's little mistake in Miami."
she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
I think most guys look at porn as a fallback career. I mean I know I do.
i just set an alarm for noon. fuck yes winter break.
I just found out my first birthday was a keg party. Suddenly everything makes sense
this is something i pride myself on being below average for
Lightning struck the tree right outside of her window as I came inside her. I think its God's way of saying go by plan b.
Mystery lines found in a Pyrex dish in the back of my pantry at 415 am. No recall as to it's origin. Unidentifiable taste. Obviously I'm doing them
Look bro I'll go half per boob with you, we split her.
FUCK IM ABOUT TO GET A DICK PIC IN THE LIBRARY
Well, she chose the fuckboy life or the life chose her. Not sure which one but either way I don't need that negativity in my life.
It's 7:30pm and we've already lost someone and had to run from the cops. What the fuck did you put in the punch?
I expected my Sunday morning walk of shame dressed as a sexy Dorothy would get some scorn, but nobody seems to even care
That’s because it’s 2020. The slutty costume walk of shame is a refreshing reminder of a time when wearing masks and catching communicable diseases was a right of passage, not everyday for the foreseeable future.
Our livers get a hall pass for 2020, right?
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