69 is so not fun when his penis is sporting a 70s hairstyle
i'm gonna be such a cougar when i'm older...i just facebook stalked my little sister's 13 yr old boyfriend while drinking a bottle of wine....
while cleaning my room, i've found many wonderful things. one of these is the card you gave me for my eighteenth birthday. it's a christmas card that says "i want to stick it in your sponger"
knew i was gonna lose at a shoe or be bleeding at some point. and both happened within 20 mins.
THIS ISN'T WORKING THIS IS THE DRUNK LEADING THE DRUNK
And I'm still awake, and you left me. Like the guy on Jurassic Park, that jumped out of the car expecting me to save myself while there is a man eating T-rex ready to tear my ass apart except theres a mathematician and paleontologist there to save me because they are bad asses.
My mom just made me promise her that i'll care about the next guy I sleep with
The last thing I remember from that party was me shouting "hold my feet I'm going in strapped like Rambo"
I'm drunk eating a quesadilla while this kid is tryina come over and I'm just like no. I want the quesadilla.
I've done dumber things than this for flimsier reasons. Come with. If I pull it off I need a witness, and if I fail I need an escape plan.
How early is too early to start drinking when studying for the bar?
I just turned down a booty call because I'm having a Star Wars movie marathon
Last night you broke a mirror, and then rolled around in the glass shards. Miraculously, there's not a scratch on you...
So I figured it out. There's two types of shitters. Moaners and grunters. And on occasion there's a third. It's the ill fabled grunt moaner.
Sorry you saw my balls. Pregame includes a lot of shaving.
Randomize
