we just finished making mockaritas... then we prayed
god you guys know how to party
worst. bachelorette party. ever.
I'm currently using two paint brushes as chopsticks to eat lasagna.... college.
What are the odds of finding the one hot Australian dude with erecile dysfunction?
By the way, I got bored last night and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
We were showing our tits to everyone because it's breast cancer awareness month and we care deeply
I thought we were doing it cause it's Tuesday
Are you alive?
I googled "I don't want to vomit anymore," and "how to rip out your uvula," at 9 am this morning, but I'm still here. Uvula and all.
He ordered three small pizzas while I was giving him head.
He smells like ham and a lifetime of poor choices
You are the ghost of drunk bitches past, present, and future.
I have banged to "The Emperor's New Groove" way more than could possibly be reasonable.
Basically one minute I'm sucking on her nipples and then 45 mins later we're at work and she's my boss.
Trust me, I'm a professional lesbian.
I found out he hated a girl that I hate so I fucked him. My reasons for fucking guys are getting bad.
Just found out a shooting happened in our parking lot while it was closed this morning. So thaaaaaaaaats fun.
I do have a moral compass! I can’t help it if it only points at penises
Randomize
