Facebook is asking me which Pokemon I'd be. Is there one whose only moves are gay sex and reading Adrienne Rich?
just found out my sister was breast fed and i was not...pretty upset about that.
TRUE LIFE: my roommate is growing a bush.
better yet, TRUE LIFE: my roommates boyfriend begged her to grow a bush.
so he reminded me it was our 9 month anniversary and then said "we could've had a baby by now"
my mom just informed me that im way nicer when im high and offered to supply my weed until our house guests leave.
does that include her cleaning your bowl?
I don't know what you told him but please make him stop telling me about his new video camera and winking
I wasn't hungover this morning. My head just hurt because someone tried to suction cup a dildo to my forehead.
Just woke up from a dream where you lived in a gingerbread house on a snowy cliff by the sea. The dolphins were swimming away from a giant dust storm. You REALLY ought to smoke this before bed tonight.
Every time I stand up, gravity punches me in the tits. This is horrible.
Someone is in my phone as "fireball girl" and keeps texting me. How do I go about finding out who it is?
Like her Facebook page isn't even hers. It belongs to her tits. It's Titsbook
Last thing I ever expected to say, "Get your finger out of my ear or I will stop sucking your dick."
stop fucking thinking about him when there is A MILLION OTHER PENISES TO RIDE IN THE WORLD
He took me home and by the time I woke up after catching up on sleep I realized I accidentally put on one of his fiances socks. whoops.
He said he loves me but he haven't eaten me out yet. So I don't think he means it.
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