apparently i ate an entire bag of goldfish, kissed some guy with a girlfriend who now wants to kill me, made my sister sleep in my bed with me while i wore no pants, and told my whole family i am pregnant with jonny's devil baby...never drinking again
Whose surfboard did we steal and why is there a wood carving of a pelican in the fridge where the beer used to be?
after last nights cooking expirments i have lost all faith in the fire alarm battery
Turns out I wasn't throwing up blood, I just threw up so hard it ripped my tonsils. Thank you Jameson.
There is a limo involved. Man up, and make yourself puke. Its only one more night of blacking out.
All she said to me last night is that when her eyes roll back, to release my choke hold.
I totally just friend requested the girl I met in jail last night so that I could give her back the sunglasses she lent me upon our release. See, I'm not a total delinquent.
This hot topless Jamaican just ran down the st with me on his back and He was screaming "I be stealing yo white ladies."
I don't know if i should be jealous or worried... or question where you are.
I'm sitting next to a ginger. She is decked out in olive green. Gingers fucking love olive green.
Do you know how I hurt my ankle or my shoulder? Or the origin of any of the following mystery bruises: left quad, left wrist, right elbow. Thanks for playing.
He made me cum 4 times, we high fived afterwards and then I proceeded to tell him about this guy I'm dating whilst I made him a bacon sandwich. I think we've finally mastered being friends with benefits.
I've grown it out to 70s proportions. I'm calling it my chastity pelt.
im not letting a little injury get in the way of my alcoholic/drug problems. we ARE getting turnt tonight.
you just won the triple crown of sex! your prize is more sex.
He broke both of his legs jumping out of a window to escape a coyote.
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