My room smells like vodka and shame
So my graduate coordinator is possible gay man. I may have just found the easiest way to a degree ever.
Good plan b, put your number on all your forms. Hello gamefull employment.
Take that integrity
He slapped my ass and hummed the jello theme song, which was followed by an overly loud "IT'S ALIVE!"
He was doing push ups, crunches and jogging in place in front of the restaurant. I'm not too sure I want to eat there if it requires immediate exercise following the meal.
jess passed out on the pong table. it was depressing until we started singing shania twain an hour later and heard her muffled voice singing along.
Mym mom just came downstairs as I got ghome ans I'm trying to act SO CASUAL as i stabdh here hut icant help bur be like 'girl where's ther Turkey sandwiche s' haahaa
I literally need you to talke care of me soooo9o9oooooo drubj gril makin a sabdwiche. SO far its judst bred and paper towel...
After i black out, be a good friend and point me to the direction of a girl with daddy issues, any girl would do just fine
The guy I woke up with is wearing the same nailpolish as me...I need to stop drinking
The strip clubs here are like a safari of penis, and I'm gonna bag me a rhino.
That's like.....u just dangled a sex carrot in front of me then took it away!
listen. he fixes things. buys me drinks and sticks his penis in my vagina. age means nothing at this low point in my life.
So we just smoked a bowl, out of an antler, with this old dude, while standing at the bar. Dude just walked up and said we were in his spot, just began packing it and handing it around...
I ate 1200 calories worth of chocolate covered marshmallows and googled why it is okay to be single forever
You passed out in my backseat like a legitimate infant. A really drunk, really horny infant
I'm sorry i showed you my boobs.. I probably shouldn't have done that.
Randomize
