but i really can't criticize. i blacked out waaaaaay ahead of schedule.
Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
U know its gonna be a great day when the guy at the liquor store waves at u cause u walked by
I just saw a pregnant woman with a cigarette and a beer walking into the Larry the Cable Guy show. I'm glad my taxes are paying her medical expenses.
and ill be dreaming of you. not in a creepy way, but in an inappropriate way
Where else am I to apply my creativity?
I don't know. Anywhere productive and not involving sex toys would be a start.
It happened again. Now theres even more baby powder and its all over the place, I'm not cleaning that house.
6 margaritas later and free shots of tequila, i woke up with a fat lip and they said i blew my nose in a slice of bread
First day of class and I'm in a bar drinking pitcher #3. Foreshadowing?
Just thought you should know that we coat checked our fairy wings last night. Getting belly up to the bar was way more important that wearing our costumes.
Cute boy and deffffff wearing a HS shirt. I am getting too old to be inaccurate.
They should just send me home - I'm literally doing nothing but watching porn and listening to pandora.
The first thing he said was that my underwear smelled like Trix but then he looked up at me and whispered "Silly rabbit, vagina is for me."
someone found a bottle of whiskey in the bushes this morning when they were cleaning before an admissions event. i'm 95% sure it's mine..
Remember that time we were together? Yeah, I don't miss that.
Randomize