...so i touched it.
So i decided to deal with the awkwardness of last night by making out with all three of them
hungover + watching bobsledding = i just puked
besides im still about 80% sure that im eskimo brothers with jerry springer
Right, because I totally see myself driving all the way down there to fuck his world famous penis.
I'm an EMT, not a miracle worker. No, I can't fix your sprained dick.
Dear Penis Owner...our records show that you are overdue for servicing...please contact our friendly associates to schedule a thoroughly satisfying experience today...operators are standing by...
The shit show didn't end. it just relocated itself to my apartment instead of yours.
you also need to get my treadmill fixed.
What should I say back?
Well, how do you want the conversation to go?
Straight into my pants.
He picked me up in the very car he devirginized me in, his moms toyota.
How would your parents feel if we installed a sex swing?
REWARD BLOWJOB!! STAY RIGHT WHERE YOU ARE I'LL BE THERE IN FIVE MINUTES.
I ask him how he's going, like life and stuff, and he responds "20-0 pats"
I just got a snapchat of a flaccid penis with the caption "happy belated valentine's day." What did I do to deserve this
Can you confirm that you aren't dead?
Randomize
