you sent me 5 happy birthday texts last night. one after the other. spelled differently.
i never thought i'd have to say "please stop having sex on me"
wow.
yeah, it was that bad.
I was totally willing to let her keep giving me blowjobs as long as she didn't think we were in a relationship.
85% positive I just found a hair of a certain variety wayyy in the back of my mouth between two teeth while flossing.
I dont want to tell you. Lets just say that a lot of things are reminding me of your dick right now
The plan is to make enough mistakes this weekend to hold me over until spring break
Hooked up with 8 guys, puked 4 times, got a few bruises, and my face is still numb... I think this visit has truly impacted my college decision
I'm gonna celebrate Valentines day by watching Bob Ross videos and tripping balls.
I just found a reminder in my phone to ask you about your sex life in 7 years. So how is that going?
he just ran into my room in his giant penis costume yelling "supercock to the rescue"... I am still in total shock
You lost me at unexpected butt stuff. Everything else I would probably do.
i am craving dick and cupcakes
He caught me mid-escape...one leg out the window, bra n thong in hand.I just looked at him and said "Bye Now" n proceeded to fall out his window....then.... tell me why he texted me 30 min later to make sure i got home ok! #igotthis
I am attempting to break the habit of calling him daddy.
I would but he’s not speaking to me because I put ketchup in his socks.
Randomize