I feel like death. Did you die last night?
Nope. Ready for round 2. Fiesta!
unreal. Greatest comeback since Jesus
I researched the whole pregnancy breast feeding with piercings. I think you dont have to worry about the trifecta milk spraying thing.
They are chanting tits for freedom and I'm highly considering
He's hinting that I'm starting to be kicked out of their blunt rides, I can feel it.
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
Fantastic. I'm pretty cold, tired, dirty, and hungry, but that comes with an adventurous weekend. Who needs a wallet or keys anyway? I could totally be homeless.
Dude. I only took a 20 out the ATM last night. How do I have 83 ones?
You stole from the strippers again. I wish I was ninja like you
I totally just somersaulted to the bathroom to avoid moving out of my fetal position
I don't know if I should be concerned or impressed.
You were sitting in the middle of the floor spewing vodka at people proclaiming "I a whale". That drunk.
I want Samuel L. Jackson to stand beside me and narrate my morning shits.
He was making Jim beam nachos. Chips soaked in whiskey with cheese
The multiple male orgasm is a real thing. I've seen it. I've caused it. I called him a unicorn.
High-fiving last weekend's hook up in passing on the way to class has given me quite the lady boner.
I made a nest in his bed. I'm not leaving
I could be the Kenny Powers of Sex Therapists.
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