you were carrying around a glass of vodka telling everyone it was Russian water
You only like me because I'm a challenge
You already blew me
Just got roadhead in a driving snowstorm. That shit should be a Winter X games event.
ok, I understand that your bathroom door is broken, but at least close the blinds next time you take a shit. The entire parking garage just watched you.
i really wish i had a remote for my computer. its all the way on my bed while im across the hall puking my brains out to enya. not cool.
If I don't end up being a booty call for Valentine's Day, you wanna go to the movies?
I woke up with a black eye, bruised knuckles, wearing women's clothing, in a house I did not recognize, next to a solid 9. Thank you for making 21 special.
Get off me. I'm done. I want a cookie.
either I'm really high or that last bong rip tasted like christmas
His roommates came in the room and were throwing snowballs at us while we were hooking up.
I am having telepathic thoughts with my cat. He loves me and wants me to blow his nose
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
I feel like too many of my sentences start of with "Hey, fuckface!"
I wanna borrow his axe at this point and cut my head open just to relieve some pressure
It was like sex on an active volcano surrounded by the night sky and bloodhounds. And by that I mean it was nice.
Randomize
