I'm so hungover that the internet is hard.
So I had a Liz Lemon moment today....went to Chipotle to get my "cheer me up" burrito bowl for the 4th time this week and the chipotle guy sighed and said always the same huh?
He had to pee in the sink beside my head because the girl that I was taking care of was passed out on the toilet. To answer your question: yes i took a peek. Thats why we hooked up later.
oh but the power of the cock will take you to places you never been..i flew to hawaii once to sleep witha chick
I don't want to talk about it but I will say, that was the best two headed $68 blowjob. Ever.
He threw me a bud light and when I opened it he smacked it out of my hand because "Dave giveth, and Dave taketh away". WTF
I have no words
Neither did my mom, when she walked in on me squating with my balls in a cup of hot water.
Drunk life lesson just learned the hard way: do not try to play hump the great dane. He may take you up on it.
I'm all for hockey players but dude, he asked me to lick his chipped tooth mid-hook up.
BECAUSE THIS IS AMERICA AND DONUTS AND TITTIES AND ALCOHOL IS WHAT THIS COUNTRY WAS FOUNDED ON
I woke up in a tow truck cuddling plan b. Can you pick me up?
I think he has some internal "man stuff" that keeps getting in the way.
Like alcoholism and general douchbagary.
Unfortunately i'm awake, hungover, and covered in something I'm pretty sure is Easy Cheese. Send help.
Dude we just exchanged Zelda related pickup lines. I fell in love at "you can blow on my ocarina"
Vocabulary what?!? Shakespeare is my bitch.
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