i felt obligated to tell him happy birthday since we trashed his house and i fucked his friend in his basement
I've come to accept that no matter where I step in our apartment, your underwear will be there.
We are casual work acquaintances that occasionally fuck when the urge strikes. CWATOFWTUS. I know FWB rolls off the tongue better but it is what it is.
Is 'too horny to study' a good enough medical excuse to not take a final?
I can't let him end my perfect streak. HE USED TO BE FAT
I feel like I have heartburn in my nipples.
I have to be more responsible. I've dropped three lighters into my bong today.
someone cut his neck open pretty bad with a broken beer bottle. We were so close to his house that we carried him home, but when we got there he casually laid on his bed and said he was just gonna sleep it off. WHO DOES THAT
Has anyone ever blacked out at an art show your dad brought you to?
I'm very impressed by your ability to explain a story about your fiery snatch solely in emojis. props.
It's the kinda thing that makes you wanna buy a rainbow flag and fight republicans and kiss girls
But what we lack in money, we make up for in dry humor and drugs
Are you alive? Cause this is my official "im actually alive" text.
Noooo no no no no. She scares me. She means business. She wore a diaper when we went to the bar.
I’m making a jello mold of my penis
Will it be as disappointing as your actual penis?
Randomize
