All of his creepy stalker friends want you too
She does have a great personality.
Yeah, in her vagina.
We have 10 gallons of home brew. And james has an amazonian blow dart weapon that sticks in bags and the wall. Come over
Just found out my 21st birthday is on a Wednesday. The possibilities are cheap, as well as endless.
He tried eating fireworks, to stop him being hungover in the morning. Where do you keep finding these people?!
Holding a cold bottle of mikes hard lemonade against my pulverized taint....this is my Sunday night
Don't let me publish my memoir unless "hurt my ankle drunk irish dancing" is at least the title of a chapter because that is really the whole story of my life.
There is a special place in hell for people who only eat the center of the pot brownies.
He was like the most intimidating looking guy you've seen in your life except he was really shittily doing the two step
No actually you're a pro. You puked on the cab ride, and managed to completely contain it in your purse. the cabbie was even impressed.
He motorboated me, gave me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
I'm extremely upset that I wasted my "having sex with a guy at work" card on him
If we're going to communicate going forward, you'll need to be versed in Gillian Anderson.
HE'S FUCKING 19 YEARS OLD, HE CAN'T EVEN GET INTO A BAR WITH ME, WHAT MAKES YOU THINK I'LL LET HIM IN MY PANTS?!
getting my period the day i moved was my bodies way of saying 'congratulations youre not leaving town with anybodies babies!'
Randomize
