weed, chlorine, and victory. my bed smells like i had sex with michael phelps.
So he ended up having sex with me, but it was so awkward. When it was over, he went to the bathroom, and he came back and asked, "are you on your period or something? there's blood on my dick..." and i said, "well it was supposed to start today, nice surprise...i am so embarrassed." and he said ,"it's better than you queefing." and as soon as he said that, i queef the hardest and loudest i ever had.
grad school is all the worst parts of undergrad, without the binge drinking and bad decisions to make up for it
I've gone to the bathroom 3 times. And forgot to pee. 3 times. Let's say we call it a night, I need to be found. I see a fish tank by the bar and some stairs.
Post-sex chicken soup was such a good idea. It's been like an hour and I'm still applauding myself
It's a lightpost hitting you in the head. Of course it's going to hurt the day after.
and honestly how many chances will you get to hook up with a one armed guy?
I'm going to make a mold of my tits to bake a cake for him for our anniversary.. I can see the pride in his eyes now.
We were on the balcony tossing jello shots to people passing below
When people said no i'd yell "i tried them i promise they aren't roofied!"
how was it?
he was petting the bushes because they were "napkins"
Our lady landlord called. Dot worry, I handled it. Drunk. Tell her it was Nate. Done. Good. Bye. Drunk.
Wow. The LSU Tennessee game is on here and the LSU cheerleaders are stupid hot. Its weird having a hard on. At a bar. On a Wednesday. By yourself.
I fought a guy last night because he said "extra pulp orange juice is the best orange juice"
I texted him "my vagina is pounding for you"
I know, you made me proof read it.
It's only awkward the first ten minutes you realize it's not your house.
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