peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
Firetruck pulls up, fireman jumps out n knocks on my door, asks "do you know where Johnny lives?"
i just saw a man dusting the fake palm trees at the mall
...welcome to nebraska
i don't know whats more disturbing, that his dog drooled directly into my mouth or that i was too drunk and tired to do anything except let it be there.
Ketchup is God's man juice
Just heard her singing at the school concert... I am honored my penis was touched by those pipes
It's never too late to be topless.
i draw the line when you ask for directions at a place you're already at.
And I just had to awkwardly tell 3 police officers that I was having sex and not in any trouble
So i am officially handcuffed to the pole on the party bus while taking jello shots.....this shall be an interesting night
Its official, if she bites your dick through your jeans, ya'll go together. A lesson you shouldn't have to learn after the fact.
and here comes the time of my day when I haw to convince a guy to drive my cape and my handle to my dorm.
They pay me enough to pretend to be either helpful, or heterosexual. If they want both I need one hell of a raise.
In theory, it seemed like it would work.
whered you go
woke up in a ditch, shat infront of a little league game, slept in her stairway...i need to come here more often
Randomize
