you woke up, pulled a beer bottle out of your pants..took a drink and went back to sleep.
It wasn't the stripper that gave you the hickey but I just figured out who did
Just found a wrench in the washing machine. Sooo not doing your laundry anymore.
My grandpa is giving me detailed instructions on how to fight a second floor bedroom fire from a ladder on the out side. Just in case
Because of his penis, I can't even look at a hot dog
I spent the whole weekend building houses out of popsicle sticks for my bowls. How was your weekend?
I like to take my ritalin one pill at a time with each pill spaced out a couple minutes so I feel like I'm going super saiyan when they kick in.
She clicked her fingers, said "here boy!", and pointed at her vagina.
Honestly I'm so excited to go to bed I feel as if I don't deserve to be in my early twenties.
Can I borrow you for, like, thirty minutes so you can lay on one boob and rub the other until I fall asleep?
she keeps a switchblade in her panty drawer... i am both terrified and slightly turned on
I felt kinda awkward walking into his house in nothing but lingerie and my dead grandmas overcoat
I am on my way right now and I SWEAR TO GOD IF YOU EAT MY BURRITO YOU WILL NEVER SEE MY TITS AGAIN
These morning walks of shame have became my morning jogs
I just upped my southern womanhood. Taking whiskey and Kleenex pocket packs to the funeral.
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