He literally had no idea who I was, so he made me turn around 360 degrees and when he saw my ass, he blurted out my first AND last name.
There are 9 condoms on my bed either i met the greatest girl ever last night or something horrible has happened.
If I send you a picture of the guy passed out in the bath tub, will u be able to identify him?
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when i get back.
Im positive, your name was on my abdomen, Im pretty sure thats solid evidence
why is my underwear the only thing i was wearing that smells like vodka?
All three shower stalls were filled with couples fucking and then someone yelled "switch" and... We switched
My roommate was being an ass so I put everyone's drinks/shots on his tab for the entire night. Then when we left he was telling me how he got out cheaper than last time.
I dont even think your gonna like what I got you for christmas. If not we can take it back and get drugs.
The Universe is CLEARLY playing a bad joke on your sex life
I have experienced an excessively hairy ballsack in my mouth...and it was horrifying. I keep feeling it in my mouth now. It's like hairy ball PTSD.
Ive never seen a drunk man get suplexed before last week, now its the standard requirement every time we go out.
If you fuck up my birthday by dying I will kick your fucking corpse.
I'm going to target high, just in case I ask you where my paycheck went later
If you are refering to the duckling living in your bath...I can explain, but before I do, can you throw a peice of bread in there?
Randomize
