Well, she's an atheist who is addicted to the Sims.
Who isn't?
have you ever been in a public bathroom and someone walked in, and you played "Fat or Crying" based on her breathing?
I didn't plan on sleeping with him until he told me his mom is deaf.. Then I felt bad.
I was tripping so hard I was disappointed when I pulled back the shower curtain and shrek wasn't standing there
All i really wanna do tonight is get drunk with you and dance on tables. is that too much to ask?
Felt like shit, jerked off, felt ten times better. Being a guy rules. It's like I got all the demons out in 5 minutes.
he gifted me a vibrator as he was breaking up with me. you tell me how my night went
Actually it's really just going to be me drunk in your living room swinging from a pole on a tuesday morning.
I'd rather be sodomized with a fullly decorated Christmas tree.
Lesson learned. No more vodka and toaster strudel
Where's the chopping off someone's balls emoji
He wants me to fart in his mouth and is offering me SOOOO much coke. I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place. GIVE ME ADVICE.
let me wake up, find my pants, and find out where i am tommorow and ill get back to you on that
I just took like 30 condoms from the doctors office... no one can say I don't try to save my money.
do nipples grow back?
Randomize
