This pizza tastes like mashed potatoes. HOW HIGH DO YOU THINK I AM?
Two words Indian burn...
What did she think it was, a shake weight?
I'm considering telling her about my dream where I made a sex tape with her boyfriend. you know to test our friendship
these marshmallows taste like mayonnaise. like playing tetris on a gameboy, that's what these marshmallows mean.
I may be a little fuzzy on this, but I think at some point I said something about being a generous lover.
Somewhere between yelling how am I gonna make it to my flight and more titie shots I stopped caring
Driving by his house every hour is not stalking, it's a reconnaissance mission... How else can I confront him
Bailey. He has a soul patch. Idgaf if he was an NFL player. Nobody with a soul patch is attractive.
She literally just changed his birthday. Overly attached girlfriend has nothing on her.
I am. I woke up on someone's front lawn dressed as max Payne also be proud.
He's listening to "my heart will go on" by himself in the living and its not even noon. MAKE IT STOP.
He looked me deeply in the eyes and said "I don't want this to be the last time I see you.. Can I follow you on Instagram"
Yeah, I've hit on priests at bars, too. Such a shame, there are a lot of hot men out there who've devoted themselves and their glorious genitalia to the Lord -_-
I'm crying watching Rihanna at the VMAs. Periods are a bitch
I should not be able to sum up my life with a taco brand motto...
Randomize
