It took you an unbelievable amount of time to realize that your ass was on fire.
So i think we're being coned into a threesome with the promise of pokemon
You layed on my kitchen floor with a pile of m&ms at your crotch, said "your lightbulb don't match, is that one new?"
Im pretty sure it started going awry when I asked their mom "How much would it cost me to sleep with your daughters"
we bought a duck. we're keeping him in our dorm room. don't ever try to tell me you've had a better freshman year than me.
He came in both my eyes, then refused to give me a towel unless I found him by playing Marco Polo
Ripped lines in the bathroom before my presentation.. Got bonus marks for my enthusiasm.. This is why I love drugs
I apologized for the whole SWAT team incident to the roommate.
I think you should just bang him and get it out of your system.
That's what you say about everyone.
I almost went home with him but then my hydroxycut fell out of my purse at the bar and I ran away
Every time I try to do something productive I end up searching ghost porn.
I don't know what that means. Any of it. BUT I will be at your house at 10:20 and you better be ready to get high as balls.
Found like seven bruises in the shower. One was shaped like a hand. Best. Sex. Ever.
I once broke a mans heart just to get laid by a premature ejaculator
He stopped mid sex to say he was sorry that he couldn't make us work.continued. Stopped again to ask if it was crazy that he loved me.
That is not what no strings attached sex is about.
Randomize
