I need ur penis! This is not drunk texting, either! This is I need ur penis texting. There IS a difference!
I am currently eating pure cake frosting...I am not sure how I was ever referred to as a responsible adult.
Dear God. I kissed a man tonight who was born in 1936.
we were sitting in the bathtub when she came in with her grandpas cane adn beat us until lindsay passed out
The investigator asked if we were sharing a pitcher of margaritas. I corrected him and explained that we each had our own.
Had to crawl to the kitchen this morning cuz I was too hung over but really wanted fruity pebbles. yes. I ate fruity pebbles on the kitchen floor.
Post a pic on facebook and see if those same 46 girls find shitting in the bed handsome and adorable
Captain Morgan does not know self control. Nor does he teach it.
We're going to ride the bus of mixed signals all the way to unrequited love town and that's where I'm going to live my life and then die.
You know I've done a lot of messed up stuff. But I never thought I would have to put a bandaid on my dick. Yet here we are.
I apparently tried to wax off my nipples.This explains the pain
you were so high you just watched the elf.... its spring
I googled my name and pictures of you drinking showed up. Way to steal my thunder....
You chased a rabbit then knocked on a police car and asked the cop "if he saw where that little bastard went."
He may be a manwhore, but he’s a very well endowed manwhore
That’s an important feature when it comes to a manwhore
Randomize
