I will come over but only if I don't have to take my sunglasses off for it
Viking lives by an ancient code of honor that we do not understand.
What code could that possibly be? Bothering the fucking shit out of people while being physically repulsive?
she gave me a schnouzer then wanted to kiss while we were having sex...i had to puppy slap her nose. pick me up out front.
If only Ben were 51% gay instead of 49%
Convinced the bartender that I'm a congressman. Free Drinks. God bless America.
He had a beer bottle in each of his back pockets and was on rollerblades. All I remember is following him for about 10 minutes
I was fine until "Under Pressure" came on the radio. It's like God wanted me to shit my pants on the drive home.
Seriously, do normal people actually get work done being this hungover? No wonder the economy's in the shitter
All I remember is passing out with an umbrella over my head and waking up screaming bad luck for seven years
I'm ready to take a few years of my life this weekend
Have you ever just like not slept in so long that everything looks like a lava lamp?
You have more time for sex than anyone I know.
What type of bandaid should I use on my clit
Only you could get too drunk for taco bell. I don't know if I'm jealous or ashamed. Go to bed.
You ran up to my room. I was naked. You refused to leave without drugs. I love you.
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