I will give everyone a free pointer today. Here it goes, always pee by the house late at night to avoid getting shot by drunk bastards with guns. Never go by the tree line.
if it walks like a guido and talks like a guido, i'm gonna fuck it.
her dad is making me watch Glen Beck, i only agreed because i penetrated his daughter earlier.
Sitting at a bar next to a guy wearing sunglasses drinking a pitcher by himself and having an argument with himself over if journey is more ballin than kiss. Feel better about myself.
we are playing family charades. my sister pointed at me. everyone guessed alcoholic.
i figure now that we're number one party school im obligated to black out at least 4 days a week. andddd go.
Dear female. Happy valentines day. If you have not had the pleasure of making love to me, please do not fret, I will get around to it soon enough. If you indeed have made love to me, then bravo, wasn't that grand! Perhaps we should do it again? Regardless, have a good day. This has been a public service announcement. Rock on.
Apparently she has a 10 week old kid, which would explain the hallway effect I was feeling.
If your nipples ruin my wedding photos I will kill you.
you just missed a great speech in which i almost coined the term "ass-ian" as in "my vaginal and ass-ian regions are no longer safe"
God please dont post that to facebook.
I'm sad that I feel like I need to temporarily change your name in my phone from Smashley until you have the baby and can be unsober with us again.
I think I heard my penis growl. Wanna do lunch?
Doug the spinning teacher gave me chlyamdia
My GF, FWB and Side piece are all booty calling me. I’m a victim of my sexual success
Hot or not, she’s from Boston. It’s hard to nut when she sounds like Mark Wahlberg
Randomize
