my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
well we are all hammered and my parents are reminiscing about all the times they drove us home drunk from Christmas
Just sponge bathed with a swissper. Thrush inevitable. Shaking.
Me. You. Shitty green clothes from Savers that we will dub alligator costumes. Middle of the quad tomorrow at noon. Bring your alligator voice and the pearls before swine comic.
Okay. thanks for sacraficing your body and risking aids for our snowcone business.
Woke up this morning with my period. Saw a commercial for the beginning of Shark Week. I see what you did there, Mother Nature. My pad's off to you.
They are the perfect team. One always has weed, the other always has cigarettes. They're like the Batman and Robin of drugs
He peed off the roof and then we bonded it was beautiful
Dude. Photoshop a Santa hat on your mug shot and send it as your Christmas cards.
My vagina has a heartbeat. That means I'm in love, right?
How's everyone else's ass tattoo today?
You showed me your butthole that's like a mating call in other species
I just woke up and my ass is covered in honey and my eye brows are shaved off.
you went over there?
His drunk texts were grammatically perfect. At least our kids will be smart.
The guy I slept with in AZ just called and is moving here next week.
Randomize
