just saw a girl come out of the tanning bed room on crutches, now thats determination
i am breaking up with you. because you wash your hair too much and you only drink light beer and because you're not party enough.
stumble upon led me to how to make wine in prison, followed by wedding dresses. it knows my life too well
I don't remember much but I know I looked hot.
He just stabbed two olives and a pickle with a fork and deep throated it in front of my family
Not even marginally surprised
The good news is the bleeding stopped. I think I'm going to sober up before I tell you the bad news though.
You just seemed really offended whenever my cup was empty.
I have a gyno appt today. I hate it when the Army gets involved with my vagina.
At 27 it's no longer called 'slutty', it's called having a healthy sex life...
I'm thinking about slathering myself with peanut butter and going to the dog park. What's the worst that could happen?
If I hid at school to avoid the cops, is it fleeing and evading or just being a good student?
I CAN FEEL MY HEART BEATING MY WHOLE BODY
you didnt realize it, but you puked in the bushes in front of a church and yelled "GOD IS DEAD"
I'm only wearing socks and eating tuna, don't do this to me right now.
Updates: Made out with a teletubby last night in the middle of the street #lifegoals
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