Scared. last time someone tried to talk me into they said it tastes like tapioca and i projectiled onto a closed window
Some girl in the stall next to me just yelled "fuck yes i started my period!" she came out of the stall and we high fived. who am i to judge? i do that every month.
I feel like none of my dresses scream slut the way I'd like them to
Drunk wheelbarrow races might make the top 10 list of dumb shit weve done. Especially considering all the broken glass around...
Nothing like being buzzed at 10:20am off wine shots in Amish country
Finally smoked with my brothers, I feel like I just won gold at the Best Older Brother Ever Olympics
I just got home and someone ate all my chicken nuggets. Bitches be asking for a death sentence?
at any given day I am at least 60% invested in my work. today I am staggered around 3.5%
Honestly I am too high to watch videos of you jerking off right now
My mom just said we can't get married in nude body suits to look like earthworms. She's ruining my life.
Do you remember seeing anyone put a "my other penis is a vagina" bumper sticker on my car?
I almost wrecked my car because of a guy in skinny jeans had a boner
The guy like flippppped out and made me pay $15 for a car wash. I thought I was being extremely courteous by making sure to puke outside the window
He sang the chorus to “Inside of you” by Russel Brand in Forgetting Sarah Marshall as he proceeded to not pull out...
Honestly? I wouldn’t even be mad, that probably took talent
I honestly think sometimes all you need is a $2 alcoholic punch poured from a jug into a big glass to feel better. I guess abblebees is my new problematic fav
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