i just got offered coke by a strung out pilot. my night just got a lot more interesting.
Apparently I also called my credit card company to demand a credit limit increase. I'm so content with not drinking another 60 days
Your doorknob is in my back seat, in case you were looking for it.
Someone else needs to become the bad example in our group
But you wear shame so well
For future reference "I'm too drunk to come today" is an acceptable line to get out of work. I love my job
I've reached the point in my life where I desire cats more than men
What can i say, i'm an artist. I think deep thoughts. In between the homoerotica and pterodactyl noises
Question: If I got in a car accident and lost my memory of us, would you work your way back just so we could be fuck buddies again?
I'm watching The Vow and just need to know that I'm loved in some way
too late I already started a fight with someone named luscious
I think god invented us with two hands so we can grab an ass and spank it at the same time.
Don't pretend you don't want to dance on the edge of overdose all three nights
How do you say "thats kinda illegal" in thai?
Nah it's alright, I'll just ride cock all the way to hell
He took my necklace off while we were 69ing. His tongue never stopped moving either. Take that, guys who can't figure out how bras work.
How I know I've been single too long: I'm reveling in finding out my taken friends are being tragically dumped
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