she left her pants. im pretty sure she grabbed mine on accident. im like 9 man sizes bigger than her. wtf
Am I allowed to make my facebook status "loves farting in chairs"? I think it would shock every boy that I am friends with.
Just got new surround sound speakers for my computer... I feel like I'm actually IN the porn now.
What I wanna know is who took a picture eiffel towering her?
There's a treasure map on your stomach. Treasure may or may not be the clothes you lost...enjoy
I got stood up on a date. They are singing "dancing with myself" on karaoke in my honor.
we drunk the bar out of liquor so the guy was selling us bottles of wine for $2a each. Only good thing to come outta this flood
I GOOGLED IT. BEES CAN MASTURBATE. WHAT.
Shit. She's still hooking up with some random in the doorway. How do I get out of here?
Well hurry! Everybody is already at McDonalds.
I'm free! Didnt realize how easy it was to crawl out the window.
I am going to go Miley Cyrus crazy if I don't get sex soon
Headline in the alligator: young zeta goes berserk after lack of sex and is found naked swinging from wrecking ball on university ave, refuses to get down until sex partner is found
I don't understand why you're so excited, it's my vagina not yours.
I'd like to buy a season pass to your dick please.
A girl in McDonalds just asked if I was in here wasted a few nights ago throwing fries at the staff, I said it was my twin
We both know that wasn't me
I just discovered my new vice. Cotton candy vodka. Its like a carnival in my mouth, puking of the tilt-a-whirl included.
Yes, the maid of honor did just deep throat the mic during the toast. How do I follow that?
Randomize