There is somethin about your sexuality that makes my dick do jumping jacks when I see you
everyone knows he gets back in a week and after that i'm not sleeping around anymore. it's like i have a expiration date.
They were greeting people getting off the 48 with green beers and cheers. The one day I decide not to take the bus home...
The one wearing a viking helmet and holding a bottle of Smirnoff. She's laying on the floor of the tube singing "cant find my way home" . You can't miss her..
Bring my gorilla suit and my bong.
Oh its going to be that type of weekend?
I know it's not technically the "Mile High Club" but we def need a name for the airport bathroom. Cuz that just happened.
My dick looks like crazy bread
pics are now mandatory
He started saying the pledge of allegiance so his boner would go down. Merica.
Haven't sucked a dick since mid December. In crisis mode.
should we try and roll a cross joint since its good friday? you know, for jesus
Just had to stop myself from doing a bump on the Disney bus. The struggle is real.
just found out that my aunt grows weed. today is a good day to be me.
I woke up at 4am because the neighbors cat managed to sneak into my bed. HOW THE FUCK DOES THIS STUFF HAPPEN TO
Dude, I just masturbated with my cat sleeping on my boobs....
You have GOT to get this crazy cat lady thing under control. I'm finding you a man. And you'll take him, and thank me. After that text, you have no right to be picky.
The smell of pee and coconut conditioner still makes me think of him
Randomize
