Hey, kurt drew a penis on you and wrote my innotals. I had nothing to do a/ that.
The tricky part is not getting sand in any orifices. Or is the plural orifi? Orifi don't, we'll both be unhappy...
its officail im naming my first born child brickbreaker
i'm transferring to degrassi. i don't care that it's severely canadian. classes are five minutes long, there's no actual work and you can get oot of class whenever you want to go have a dramatic scene with someone in the hall
Ryan just walked out of his frat house with a case of beer, a 6 dollar bottle of vodka, and a pillow. He's good to go.
maybe i'll make good life choices and keep my legs closed. periodically txt me friday and saturday night saying "baby carrot round 2" that should stop me.
She keeps telling me I can't keep feeding the dog my food. I gave half the weed brownie to the dog and half to me. I just want it to taste the greatness of cheezits like I am.
Well, during the ride home I had to personally apologize to both of her breasts.
I just love that it's Veterans Day because I know in my heart that I have serviced some of their brethren in the dirtiest, hottest, most shameful ways possible.
You, me, naked, mistletoe, fifth of jack, gallon of lube, condoms, Cheetos, handcuffs, rope, along with no morals, inhibition or judgment. That's all I want for Christmas.
She wouldn't eat a clam- if you blow a line pregnant you can eat a clam
I never thought that at some point in my life I would end up in the back of a cop car dressed as Pumba #HakunaMatata
I can't masturbate without laughing really hard at some point and it's entirely your fault.
There's a set of buzz lightyear wings in lost and found at work. I just need access to your roof.
Two of us got arrested. Gonna be delayed a bit. Save me a burger.
Randomize
