You don't give head? I'm offended and I don't even have a cock...
I just used a coupon while buying plan B. The pregnant sales clerk nodded in approval.
The future queen of Norway was pregnant with a druglord's baby when she met the prince. We still have hope.
While in Europe, he bought me a pouring tap to put on my liquor so I don't spill. This means 2 things.1) He really loves me. 2) I'm a noticeable alcoholic.
if the best thing you can say about him is "he probably wont kill me" you may want to rethink hanging out with him
She's popping painkillers like they're tic tacs and singing the soundtrack to dreamgirls. It's you're turn to babysit her.
She is the epitome of a puke & rally. She picked a random hott guy at the bar & made him pinky promise not to leave while she took a power nap. She went & passed out in her friends car & apparently puked just outside the bar. She stumbled in & found the randome guy again & claimed she was golden. Made it to the after party & stayed up til 6 doing body shots off every girl she saw & hooked up with the random from the bar. I love her life
So when the drug raid cops tell you, you should get out of the relationship, it probably means its time.
Everyone called me "Barf Vader".. And I lost your lightsaber.
My friend asked me if I got home okay and I replied "Glad teat. Goodnight." Usually I can translate drunk me, but I'm even lost on that one.
I love you but I don't want to see you naked.
I'll tell you that it involved a pair of pliers and a trip to the ER.
I demand a full explanation right now.
It feels so wrong having a picture of my tits next to a picture of my daughter.
RICK BROUGHT THE HOT BARTENDER HOME. SOMEONE CALL THE FIRE DEPARTMENT, CUZ RICKYS ON FIIIIIIIRE.
lmao nvm she punched him in the face and left
I feel a blackout coming on
Plz don't have me burst into your house saying you're late for re airport to rescue you from a fat girl again
That was 2 times
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