Black lace...the rest is up to ur imagination
I drunkenly recorded an episode of Family Matters last night. I took a shot everytime Carl Winslow had a mustache.
would really like to know how the teddy bear got super glued to my testicles.
Minus the pink eye. Do I look fuckable tonight?
I have a challenge for you: find out where you are. you will receive Taco Bell if you succeed
Yeah. It's a great diet plan tho. Just have sex every time you get hungry.
Ya. I wonder how much being a beard for a major league baseball player pays. This could be a lucrative arrangement...
I want a bottle of whiskey to be dropped at my doorstep like a stork drops babies when they are delivered to their parents.
God what have you done to be that much in need of alcohol.
Me WANTS my preciousssssssssss
I just found out that my husband and I are Eskimo siblings. What in the actual fuck?!
I need to just embrace dildos and cats and call it a life.
She moaned the name on my fake id during sex, that or she's cheating on me with someone named Victor
I'm going to make you a sign to put on your penis to ward others off
i sent him a picture of his friend's dick and told him he should really stop thinking he's my only option.
I woke up to him crying and pouring pixy stix in my mouth saying they would bring me back to life.
So far 2 of my professors caught me looking at their dicks
Randomize
