tailgaiting my last final, a perfect sendoff.
Also, the drinking age in Japan is 20. At what point in the sky am I allowed to start downing alcohol?
I was just handed jelly beans by a guy in a penguin costume. Standby for confirmation on if they are actually drugs.
Just so you know, this text is a buffer between the two guys I'm sexting. Can't get that shit messed up.
I gave his parents a candle as a thanks for letting me hang out there all the time. Which i guess is more accurately a thanks-for-letting-me-fuck-your-son candle
If I die young bury me in satin. And make sure there's a taco bar at my funeral.
After a long night of drunk sexting I have to the ninja roll at the front door to see who showed up.
Suppose hypothetically u received a request for face time communication with a gentleman who looked astonishingly like a penis. Would you indulge him in conversation? Hypothetically of course.
I'm drawing the line at your vagina. I will not accompany you to get that pierced and/or tattooed. There's got to be some mystery to our relationship.
He balanced a treat on his nose, and then he rolled me a joint. My bf is the best pet ever.
There's times when I need to be plowed... and I'm ashamed to admit auto correct was able to predict that entire sentence.
Dude I swear I'm scooping human shit out of the litter boxes. What the fuck happened last night?
I need someone to sew my vagina shut until I'm responsible enough to use it
Afterwards he face timed like four of his friends screaming he banged the hot intern.
You threw up at the outdoor bar and it was pretty...astonishing just how much can come out of such a small human.
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