There's a 34yo winking at me. Why do i find this weird when my bf is a 38yo married man?
omg. I had the wrong window open and I accidentaly posted my credit card # on twitter
Whats your twitter name
I just saw the dad from "Little People Big World" at the airport. I chased him down and congratulated him for beating the DUI.
this boner is exhausting
My hand is eating my burrito and not saving any for my mouth. TRIPPPPPPPPPPPPPPINN!
i just made mint juleps with bourbon and fresh breath strips. i am the macgyver of alcohol.
You coming out tonight? We gotta hang out before I move to Madison. BTW I'm moving to Madison.
So last week was the 4th time a girl cried after sex. I'm seriously doing something wrong
I heard him crying and I heard him listening to porn... I'm hoping to God they weren't at the same time.
Hes pre-made beer lollipops so he "can suck before the sex" QUOTE!
Btw I'm already known as the drunk roommate. Don't know if that's a success or a failure seeing as it hasn't even been a week since I've been here
I heard from the downstairs bathroom "WHY CAN'T I WIPE MY ASS IN PEACE!" and a pisscrate of glass bottles breaking
So i stood up out of the sunroof while he gave me oral. Car was still moving. Exactly how illegal is that?
What, I can't laugh at my sister being driven crazy by Facebook randomly assigning chat significance to the guy she lost her virginity to?
What made you think singing Silent Night while I was puking was a good idea?!?!
Randomize
