plans for tonight: dress up like pirates, drink a bottle of mad dog and watch the sorostitues across the street get naked. and yes, the mad dog part is already in play. hurry the fuck up. i look like a loser doing this alone.
apparently i was offering everyone ambien and shouting, it's only like heath ledger if you want it to be!
Your vagain smells worse when im sober.
sorry, worng number
So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
he squeezed my boobs like he didn't know what else to do with them, then turned down head...
told you he was gay.
I'm covered in salsa and facewash. I think I'm doing something wrong over here.
Yes my plan is to drink the college out of me so i can be an adult by monday
By getting lucky do you mean I get one of your incredible BJs or you not killing me by the end of dinner?
Question: what's the protocol for seeing your mistress walking alongside her clueless boyfriend? If you could answer this ten minutes ago, that'd be great.
Don't forget Giraffe in your car! If we show up in the same outfit without animal heads we're just gonna look weird.
I think I used my NERF gun during sexual roleplay. Need to re-evaluate my life choices.
I'm proud of all of us. Somehow we all survived another Jägerbomb Tuesday
I just ordered a onesie on amazon in the back of the ambulance while my patient was sleeping. I'm an adult
I turn into such a nice and loving person when I take Vicodin
My boob job is like a master key that gets me in any door, any party and anyone’s pants! They’re magical!
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