remember when mike pissed in his pants and then put a double cheeburger in the pocketsss of said wet pants for "safe keeping"? yea drunker then that.
that's like riding a pigeon when you could fuck a bald eagle
so i hit rock bottom, god threw me a shovel. i continued to dig.
Sex and the city 2 and twilight getting released in the same month. God hates mankind.
I just had to blow my nose on a mcdonalds receipt in my car. Its time to stop doing coke.
I cleaned out the fridge, had to pound the brews. I am going to be wrecked for my final at 1
See, it wasn't that I broke my nose having sex. Its that I forgot about the bedposts...
Pretty sure that's a used tampon hanging from the tree outside my window.
Are we really going to sext in Pokemon battle fashion?
Sweet. Well pat yourself on the back this penis just burst back into the the game and the vaginas of millions
Can you pick up from work today? There's a surprise for you on the bed and I haven't gone blind which is positive.
Vodka and Jamison is not a mixed drink
Just saw the pics from the bachelor party. When the hell did we go to southie. And why was there a chicken in the limo..? You guys really are my best friends.
I cant miss out on a half day of work without a booty call
Did you just affectionately call me a scrotum?
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