Ps there is totally a drug addled prostitute in olympic pizza asking for change for a 100 bill
I sat in the mc D drive thru and refused to move till the chick gave me her number
In case you were wondering, transporting lube in a ziploc bag is just as bad of an idea as it sounds.
We've reached the point in our fuck buddy relationship where we are playing words with friends. This is too intimate.
Promise me, at my funeral, you will re-enact our human sledding incident of 2011....you can use my dead body as said sled.
Jesus, I just want to drink. Also simultaneously punch things and rub my vagina on them.
Just fucked up my mustache shaving, gonna have to take it off because now it makes me look like a pedophile
FYI your old mustache made you look like a pedophile
Why is my car covered in what appears to be salsa verde?
I thought I was heading girls talk. It was the toilet. Like put my ear to it
You were drinking whiskey from a beer bottle i dont know what you really expected...
I found my limit. I will not, in fact, blow my 78 year old professor for an A in his class.
i got to his house for our first date at the same time as his dealer, so what I'm saying is I'm in love
Also I will be receiving my own bra in the mail because I left it at his place, woops
That butt dial turned into a booty call.
there were rolls with just one bite out of each one leading to the bedroom. you were laying on the bed naked and yelled 'you did it you followed the bread crumbs!'
Randomize
